As we experience different events or situations, we respond with internal reactions called emotions. The type of emotion experienced is directly related to the circumstance that triggered it. For example, hearing good news invokes feelings of joy. When we are treated unfairly, we experience feelings of anger.
The more intense the situation, the stronger our emotional response.
Emotions have a powerful influence on our daily lives, affecting our decisions, the activities and hobbies we engage in, and shaping our views of ourselves, others, and the world we live in. A better understanding of our emotions, as well as being more mindful and present with the way our minds and bodies react to situations, allows us to navigate life with greater ease and stability.
With increased emotional awareness, we can better manage undesirable emotions- like stress, shame, and frustration. Our ability to regulate our emotions and practice resilience will improve, and we will experience lower levels of negative emotions.
Alternately, if we lack emotional understanding and awareness, we will experience higher levels, more often.
“By recognizing and tuning into our own emotions, we become more self-aware, and more mindful, which allows us to make informed decisions and respond to situations more effectively.”
Annie Miller, MSW, LCSW-C, LICSW
6 Strategies to Regulate Your Emotions in Difficult Situations
These expert-recommended exercises can help you distinguish your emotions and determine the best way to manage them:
1. Situation Selection
Identify the types of situations that lead to undesirable emotions and avoid them whenever possible. Opt for situations you know are more likely to produce positive emotions.
Example: It’s become a tradition for Lucy and her brothers to watch the Super Bowl together at their favorite sports bar, but, somehow, it always leads to an argument. She avoids the drama this year by hosting a Super Bowl party for some friends instead.
2. Situation Modification
Anytime you find yourself in a situation that will cause you to feel a negative emotion, try to change, adjust, or improve the situation’s impact. Leaving the situation is also an option.
Example: Karl is busy working on an important report, but one of his co-workers enjoys a crunchy snack at their desk, stealing a little more of his concentration with every bite. To reclaim his focus, Karl puts on noise-canceling headphones and listens to relaxing, instrumental music which helps drown out the distracting sounds.
3. Attentional Deployment
Shift your focus away from negative aspects of the emotional stimuli and direct it towards neutral or more positive aspects.
Example: One of the most stressful times in Renata’s day is entering her child’s school parking lot for after-school pick-up, where she’s witnessed some of the rudest, sometimes almost dangerous, driving she’s ever experienced. Instead of succumbing to worry or rumination each day, she picks something to focus on in her environment, like the music playing on her stereo, the plants and foliage on the school grounds, or the colors, makes, and models of the other cars.
4. Cognitive Reappraisal
“Look on the bright side” of a bad situation; change how you feel about a situation by thinking about things differently.
Example: Despite Matteo’s best efforts, he arrives at the station a few minutes late and misses his evening train. He’ll have to wait for the next one. Rather than feeling frustrated and upset, he spends the time in a shop at the station he’s been wanting to check out but has never had time to visit.
5. Response Modulation
Identify the emotion you are feeling, then decide how you can change your reaction to it to reduce the emotional impact on yourself and others.
Example: Ana just found out the meeting she’s been dreading has been bumped to tomorrow morning. Her anxiety is through the roof, but she has dinner plans tonight that she intends to keep. To ensure an enjoyable evening for everyone, she squeezes in a high-intensity interval training (HIIT) workout to dispel her nervous energy and give her confidence a boost.
6. Grounding or Self-Soothing Techniques
In moments of acute distress, learn to interrupt your focus on internal thoughts and emotions by focusing on the physical world with grounding techniques. Or shift your focus onto something you find calming with self-soothing techniques, such as listening to music, taking a bath, visualizing a relaxing place, or self-touch.
Example #1 (grounding): Sophia takes her dog on a walk around the neighborhood before heading to work. When she hears the sudden screeching of tires nearby, it triggers memories of a recent car accident, and she begins to panic. Remembering the 54321-anxiety technique, she stops the walk to name 5 things she can see, 4 things she can touch, 3 things she can hear, 2 things she can smell, and 1 thing she can taste. Relief sets in as her heart rate and breathing slowly return to normal. She gives her dog a quick pat before continuing on.
Example #2 (self-soothing): Thomas is at the dinner table with his family when his wife makes a comment that inadvertently sparks his hot temper. Wanting to avoid an angry outburst, he excuses himself and heads into the kitchen. Resting his hands on the countertop, Thomas closes his eyes and imagines himself jogging along an idyllic off-the-beaten-path route, with a clear and peaceful creek on his left and snow-tipped mountains to his right. Once he regains calm, he rejoins his family and enjoys the rest of his dinner.
Emotions color our world. Whether our view is pleasant or painful, serene or grim, uplifting or discouraging depends greatly on our ability to understand and manage the emotional reactions we have to the situations and events we experience every day. By gaining a greater awareness of our internal responses to external stimuli, practicing mindfulness and remaining present within ourselves as they occur, we can paint a better picture. Encompassing our lives with a beauty that will transform our existence and benefit everyone we hold dear.
“If you’re to choose to paint your life today…what will it be? Remember, you’re the artist, not the canvas.”
Val Uchendu
References
- (2023, August 20). Emotions: How To Express What You Feel. Cleveland Clinic. <https://health.clevelandclinic.org/emotions>
- Cherry, K. (2023, June 29). Emotions and Types of Emotional Responses. Very Well Mind. <https://www.verywellmind.com/what-are-emotions-2795178>
- Cornell, D. (2024, January 3). Cognitive Reappraisal (Psychology): Definition and Examples. Helpful Professor. <https://helpfulprofessor.com/cognitive-reappraisal-psychology/>
- Giorgi, A. (2024, February 4). How Emotional Dysregulation Feels And Affects Behavior. Very Well Health. <https://www.verywellhealth.com/emotional-dysregulation-8546830>
- Suarez-Angelino, L. (2022, July 6). The 54321 Method: Benefits & How To Use It. Choosing Therapy. <https://www.choosingtherapy.com/54321-method/>
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